The hospice has given me hope

Charlie Faulkner is a beautiful, brave and determined mum-of-two. In a series of vlogs on Facebook, Charlie has been sharing the highs and lows of her journey since being diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, an aggressive form of breast cancer, in October 2020.  In March, she came to Saint Francis Hospice and she has taken the opportunity to raise awareness of hospice care - how it has given her hope and become an important source of support for her loved ones.

When I arrived on the ward, I was in a very dark place mood wise but being here has lifted me so much as I have someone else to care for me and to lean on. There is a button to press in the night if I need oxygen or help to go to the toilet.

I have a beautiful view outside and everyone from the nurses to the domestics and volunteers who bring me drinks and meals are so kind, friendly and caring.

I have a wheelchair so I can scoot myself around if I feel like going to the café. I love a bath and the hospice has the most amazing bath with jets. It made me feel so relaxed. To do anything like this at home would be an epic effort.

There's no such thing as too many bubbles in the bath!

Everything here is so joined up and the hospice team coordinate with my oncologist and my advanced care team. This has all meant I have got everything I need.  It is so reassuring to know the hospice team are checking on me all the time and are in full control of my medication so they can tweak it to find out what is best for me. 

Returning home with confidence

I have more knowledge now. People are talking about helping me to manage at home. I know I can go home on oxygen and with a bed that is suitable. They have taught me about shower aids and equipment that can help me to be safe and independent. They are even helping me to find a way to get a stairlift so I can fully interact with my family.

If I can go home with my symptoms under control and the equipment I need, I have a chance of a reasonable quality of life as what I had before was gloomy.

When you are really struggling and all this is happening - you’ve suddenly gone from going out with friends for meals and on trips to shows to being wheelchair bound and very dependent, it is a massive shock. I say it is not permanent. I will get my strength back, get the treatment I need and slowly rebuild.

I know I have to live with cancer and the future is unknown but the hospice has given me hope and possibilities.

How the Hospice has helped my family

I have two young children so when you are struggling, you want to be left alone but you love your nearest and dearest and you feel so conflicted - sometimes you push away the very people you want to hanker down with. My son and daughter have been to the hospice and they love it here. When they see me now, because I am better able to cope, we are able to have a much nicer time together.

The kids visiting me on Mother's day

My husband has had the massive pressure of caring for all of us. He is run ragged as he is everything to everyone. He is very kind and incredibly strong but people have their limits. Sometimes it is just enough to get through the day.  Me coming here has been a bit of respite for him. He can just focus on him and the kids because he knows I am getting the care I need. It is as important for your carers as it is for you because they are just rabbits in the headlights and it is such a scary time for everyone.  

But this is the ‘In’. I have got used to being at the hospice and my family are in contact with the counselling team who will become grief support in the future. My mum and dad live on the Isle of Man and my mum was able to come here to spend time with me and get some reassurance too. 

At some point my family will need more support from the hospice - hopefully it will not be for a while.

Sharing my story gives me purpose

Sharing my story and videos of the highs and lows of my journey has helped me in so many ways. I feel it cannot all be for nothing. I am not saying it is my life’s purpose but if I can do it on the way through, I am not going to miss that opportunity to raise awareness. I have had such a huge response from people in my life who I did not know I had touched so profoundly. I’ve had responses from nice people who take the time to comment, to cheer me on. I have got people from 30 years ago who I went to school with who send me cards and gifts.

I feel such an outpouring of love in so many different ways. It is knowing that you are in people’s thoughts. Some people do not get the opportunity to know they are loved and I do. I have learned that I am decent and I am loved and I deserve that love, in the way that everyone should get that privilege knowing they are loved.